Okay, this will be a game. Are you ready? Let's play.
Which of the following scenarios is real, i.e. not from my dreams over the past few weeks?
A] We are setting out on a major trip in a van packed full to the brim. It's nighttime, Stan is asleep in the back seat (I am trying not to wake him) and we're cruising along when I realize: I can't see because the headlights are off, we're approaching a red light at an intersection, gaining speed down a hill. No one's at the wheel. I'm riding in the passenger seat.
B] At the home of my repressed 60+ y/o Conservative Mormon Republican neighbor in Salt Lake City: said neighbor is sitting with her arm around Stan, speaking urgently into his hear about Anne Coulter's "pu$!y lips."
C] I run into an old friend. We haven't seen each other in long time, not since we broke up over what I consider to be unjust reasons which hurt me deeply. It is a joyful reunion.
D] I visit a pet store. It is a menagerie of bizarre, miraculous creatures.
E] I come into contact with a former (notoriously difficult to deal with) manager of mine and experience intense anxiety over our emotionally charged interaction. It seems I'm still not over the shitty way she treated me.
F] There's something unexpected in the swimming pool: half a dozen transparent, jellyfish-like cartoon baseball testicles. Expressive little singing cartoon baseball testicles. Two enact a slapstick comedy fight scene. Another performs a song about friendship that begins with the line, "Wouldn't it help... if we all could get along?" [I remember the tune. Call me sometime; I'll sing it for you.]
G] I am stricken with anguish, having entered a room full of slaughtered puppies.
H] Stan is trying to get my attention to tell me something. "Hey... HEY!" he calls, not softly, but I still can't hear him over the volume at which I am singing a heartfelt rendition of Caribbean Queen.
I] Tucked away in a cabin, scrounging with the animals for food, we are the last people on earth.
J] All of the above. [Hell, why not?]
The first to respond correctly in the comments gets a prize! I don't know what prize yet but I'll try to see about making it an awesome one. Don't forget to include your email address!