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"Reality Porn: Innovative, sexy, new! AND FREE!"

"Reality Porn: Innovative, sexy, new! AND FREE!"

Videos of chicks spreading jelly with Swords! Innovative, sexy and new! Can sound nastier than it actually is!

Now, between this photo and the previous one we had the long drive back past all that grass and past Thiokol and stopped at Golden Spike and hung around in the parking lot while I called the photographer to say "oh oops we're too many miles away and certain among us are too wasted to have our picture taken- our fault! so sorry! catch you next time!" which message I was too incompetent to convey and had to give the phone to my brother to do the explaining. Then I wanted to call our buddies down in Buenos Aires to tell how much we loved and missed them and what fun they'd be having if they were with us, which "conversation" consisted entirely of me shouting into the phone, "LISTEN! WE'RE THE GOLDEN TRAILS SPIKEHEAD! THE SPIKEHEAD, OKAAY? LISTEN, OKAY? WE THE CAN YOU LOVE THIS WHICH I SAID, OKAAY? GOLDEN TRAILS LISTEN, OKAAY?"

All in all I'd say it was a fairly successful communication.
Then they shut me the fuck up and we drove to Corinne.

Oh! But first actually I went to the ladies room and fiddled around at the sink for awhile. I was barefoot and wearing my Yeti (Jedi) costume covered in salt and fixing the feathers in my hair and these little girl scouts on a field trip from like, South Dakota or someplace kept coming in from the minivan and staring at me like I was from Ooter Space. They would go into the stall and then come out and fall in line, a line of eight-year-olds too afraid to wash their hands while I was standing there.

I've never had quite that effect on anyone before.
I found it somewhat exhilerating.